A Letter To The Woman Just Trying To Make It


I use to avoid “women empowerment” type of events. They all seemed like a event where a bunch of mean girls acted “nice” long enough to get my money, and I wasn’t trying to be apart of it. I tried to forced myself to be happy with Jesus alone only to realize that Jesus wanted to change me, when I was alone, so that I could be happy with people. Read this entire sentence again.

Now let me be more specific, God wanted to do a work in me, his daughter, so that I could assimilate with women and be a sister.

I tried to forced myself to be happy with Jesus alone only to realize that Jesus wanted to change me, when I was alone, so that I could be happy with people.

The process was brutal, but it became beautiful in time. Keep in mind, I was just trying to make it (hence the title lengthy post lol).

When I started to engage in community, I immediately realized why I liked being alone. Women can be vicious creatures. Then you have the whole Naomi vs Ruth thing...it’s just pitiful. I started fading into the background because it was comfortable, but that wasn’t where God wanted me to be. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying the Lord wanted me in the front either. I believe the Lord just wanted me to be in lane.

Wait, that’s it.

It’s not about being in the front or the back. It’s about being in position - not about being seen. The Lord doesn’t have astigmatism, he sees with more than his eyes.

Wheww. Ok. Back to the story.

I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by some incredible women (and men). I’ve become content with the disciples and the Pharisees; the Peter and the Judas; the Mary and the Martha. All parties played a profound in the ministry of Jesus Christ - and all of these characters will be coming to be ministry near you LOL. All are necessary.

Don’t be like me.

I let intimidation creep in unaware.

I started becoming more passive.

I started letting people disrespect in the name of a sob story.

I held myself back by walking on eggshells around people who can’t fit into their own shoes.

I almost didn’t make it.

But then God begin to superimpose his will over my emotions. Then, it became like fire shut up in my bones.

I couldn’t stay silent.

I couldn’t hide the light anymore.

I couldn’t act like I didn’t see what I discerned.

I couldn’t pacify toxic behaviors.

I couldn’t be everyone’s prophet.

I couldn’t help help everyone.

I couldn’t be everyone’s emotional punching bag.

Then I surrendered my try.

I gave up trying to make everyone happy. I gave up trying to be accessible . I gave up trying to fit in. I’m to allergic boxes, which is why I break out of them all the time. In some social circles, I’m too black, educated and proud. In other circles, I’m just another sterotypical single black female that’s destined to be alone because I’m supposedly an “alpha female”. While others were busy building boxes, God was setting a table. If I didn’t give up that tired try, I would not be mature enough to sit in the presence of the people whose schemes failed….. at the table that God set. For his glory….. not mine.

And then, I just started doing me…. in Jesus name.

My prayer time shifted from petition to thanksgiving. My song went from lament to praise. My complaints turned into understanding. My unresolved sentiments became seeds of faith. This shift wasn’t something I bought, I ate the fruit of long-suffering and I let it have it’s perfect work. I don’t know what fruit you need to eat, but I think you need to figure it out.

One evening in worship at church, Chandler Moore gave a declaration over us that was based out of Psalm 34:8 and literally lost my “try”.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good.....”.

In the service, God literally spoke to me and said, “Dee (I actually heard my whole name but we won’t go there), you’ve tasted and you’ve seen”.

My mind was blown!!

I’m such a futuristic type of leader. I’m always decreeing what God WILL do. I’m always dreaming and hearing about what God WILL do. But somewhere along this journey, I stopped focusing on the goodness of God that I have already experienced. I HAVE SEEN THE GOODNESS OF GOD AND IT IS WORTH THE JOURNEY.

In conclusion, we’re not waiting on God to be good. His nature exudes goodness. We don’t have to wait until we get the promotion, the clients, the members, the husband, the car, etc. to see his goodness. Go forth in his goodness.

The way is made.

No trying necessary.



Dr. Dee Evans CEO, Koinonia Training and Consulting Email contact@thedeeevans.com

Dr. Dee Evans is an internationally recognized consultant and celebrity life coach. She has been awarded several leadership awards and she is a respected educator and Christian leader. She is the author of several books, which include: "God, I'm Disappointed, Procrastination: A Kingdom Perspective on the Theology of Work". Connect with Dr. Dee Evans by visiting the links below. Online Courses Blogs Book Club Coaching + Consulting




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