I use to avoid “women empowerment” type of events. They all seemed like a event where a bunch of mean girls acted “nice” long enough to get my money, and I wasn’t trying to be apart of it. I tried to forced myself to be happy with Jesus alone only to realize that Jesus wanted to change me, when I was alone, so that I could be happy with people. Read this entire sentence again.
Now let me be more specific, God wanted to do a work in me, his daughter, so that I could assimilate with women and be a sister.
I tried to forced myself to be happy with Jesus alone only to realize that Jesus wanted to change me, when I was alone, so that I could be happy with people.
The process was brutal, but it became beautiful in time. Keep in mind, I was just trying to make it (hence the title lengthy post lol).
When I started to engage in community, I immediately realized why I liked being alone. Women can be vicious creatures. Then you have the whole Naomi vs Ruth thing...it’s just pitiful. I started fading into the background because it was comfortable, but that wasn’t where God wanted me to be. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying the Lord wanted me in the front either. I believe the Lord just wanted me to be in lane.
Wait, that’s it.
It’s not about being in the front or the back. It’s about being in position - not about being seen. The Lord doesn’t have astigmatism, he sees with more than his eyes.
Wheww. Ok. Back to the story.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by some incredible women (and men). I’ve become content with the disciples and the Pharisees; the Peter and the Judas; the Mary and the Martha. All parties played a profound in the ministry of Jesus Christ - and all of these characters will be coming to be ministry near you LOL. All are necessary.
Don’t be like me.
I let intimidation creep in unaware.
I started becoming more passive.
I started letting people disrespect in the name of a sob story.
I held myself back by walking on eggshells around people who can’t fit into their own shoes.
I almost didn’t make it.
But then God begin to superimpose his will over my emotions. Then, it became like fire shut up in my bones.
I couldn’t stay silent.
I couldn’t hide the light anymore.
I couldn’t act like I didn’t see what I discerned.
I couldn’t pacify toxic behaviors.
I couldn’t be everyone’s prophet.
I couldn’t help help everyone.
I couldn’t be everyone’s emotional punching bag.
Then I surrendered my try.
I gave up trying to make everyone happy. I gave up trying to be accessible . I gave up trying to fit in. I’m to allergic boxes, which is why I break out of them all the time. In some social circles, I’m too black, educated and proud. In other circles, I’m just another sterotypical single black female that’s destined to be alone because I’m supposedly an “alpha female”. While others were busy building boxes, God was setting a table. If I didn’t give up that tired try, I would not be mature enough to sit in the presence of the people whose schemes failed….. at the table that God set. For his glory….. not mine.