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Everything You Can’t Say

I’m a millennial woman that has had to grieve more things than death. The tears, the disappointment, the sadness, the grief…. are all a result of the loss of so many things. Things hoped for - failed relationships, misunderstandings, career shifts, dreams, longings and expectations that are still left unfulfilled. It can be an emotional rollercoaster if you don’t hold onto hope.

As women, I feel like we are constantly engaging in a duality of emotion. Some emotions are necessary to experience simultaneously and some are simply a pre-requisite to others. Let’s be honest, along with sorrow comes so many other emotions like anger, sadness, disappointment and fear. Though, we can’t sit around trying to block out the emotions we don’t desire to feel, this will actually do more harm than good. We need them all.

I had a difficult time with God concerning the things he allowed (shameless plug for my latest book “God I’m Disappointed”). Most importantly, I had an issue with the timing by which God allowed certain issues to occur. To this day, I still don’t understand why God choose this particular path for my life, but I’ve made peace with the way God has made.

Companionship isn’t easy for everyone. Based on your age group, background, baggage, socioeconomic status, unrealistic expectations – entering into a relationship can be quite difficult. Generally speaking, I’ve always been the girl that gets used. I always give more than I get. I’m not giving up the goods until there is a ring on a finger and the marriage papers have been signed. I know, that’s not everyone’s little testimony – and there is no shade.

However, my decision drove me to a different type of sadness. I’ve never been anyone’s jump off, but I have been someone’s crutch. I’ve never been a baby mama, but I have felt like I was raising a man. In my early twenties, I felt pretty isolated. Peer pressure is so real. Internally, I felt like an outsider because I couldn’t keep up with my peers. It’s sounds so strange to repeat those words to myself because now, I’m so glad I stayed true to my promise to God… but everyone now and then, I miss what could have been.

Honestly, I’m happy about where I am in life. If you’re single,

I’m writing to tell you that it’s 100% okay to be sad about your today. It’s not what you would have chosen for yourself and, quite honestly, it’s probably really, really tough. There you go. I said it.

I don’t mind saying it out loud. So now you know someone gets you just in case no one else does. Your hardship is valid, not pathetic.

Sometimes, no one is the problem – it’s just not time. Let the pain of your reality do its work in you, give yourself some grace, allow your emotions to co-exist and be honest with yourself and others about where you’re at along the way. Honestly, I don’t know if you’ll ever be married, but you don’t need to be married to be fulfilled. Single friends, your pain is real. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. What might make you feel less than today is actually building more in you than you ever saw coming.

Grow in grace…. Confidently💕.


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