Choosing Attention Over Intimacy

Dr. Dee
Jul 25
4 min read

In a world intoxicated with visibility, the hunger to be seen has quietly replaced the hunger to be known by God. We live in an age where attention is currency and applause is mistaken for affirmation. Yet, the Spirit of the Lord is beckoning His people back, away from the addiction of attention and into the sacred beauty of intimacy.

Attention seeking is not always loud. Sometimes it is strategic silence. Sometimes it is the manipulation of presence and absence to provoke a reaction. It is not always dramatic. It can be subtle, calculated, and even spiritualized.

I. What Is Attention Seeking Behavior?

Attention seeking is more than a personality quirk, it is often a mask for deeper spiritual unrest. At its core, attention seeking is when a person says or does something with the goal of capturing the gaze of others, craving affirmation, validation, or control. While there are clinical diagnoses that expose the extremes of this behavior such as Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), many who are not diagnosed still function in the shadows of these patterns.

Attention seeking is not always loud. Sometimes it is strategic silence. Sometimes it is the manipulation of presence and absence to provoke a reaction. It is not always dramatic. It can be subtle, calculated, and even spiritualized.

II. Signs You Are Seeking Attention Not Intimacy

Many operate in attention seeking without realizing it. Here are some signs:

Constantly fishing for compliments by highlighting accomplishments
Creating controversy to stay relevant
Withdrawing to be pursued, emotional pouting masked as discernment
Embellishing stories for sympathy or admiration
Oversharing under the guise of transparency when it is really a plea for affirmation
Demeaning the accomplishments of others to be relevant
Constantly over talking others in conversations or offering unsolicited opinions

III. What Drives This Behavior?

Beneath the surface of attention seeking lie deeper roots:

Boredom
Lack of community
Lack of boundaries
Envy
Low self esteem
Sinister motives
Pride
Unhealed trauma

IV. The Spiritual Danger of Craving Attention

Here is the truth. Attention seeking is a form of idolatry. It shifts our gaze from heaven to the crowd. It exalts the opinion of man over the voice of God. It welcomes vanity, pride, and deception. It is not just emotional. It is spiritual warfare over identity.

Attention seeking is a form of idolatry. It shifts our gaze from heaven to the crowd.

1 John 2:16 NLT

“For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father but are from this world.”

Attention seeking:

Replaces God’s affirmation with public applause
Opens the door to controlling spirits that manipulate environments and people
Feeds the desire to look good before people rather than being right before God

And worst of all, it is insatiable. No amount of likes, shares, or applause can satisfy the void.

Psalm 90:14 NIV

“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Matthew 5:6 GW

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for God’s approval. They will be satisfied.”

There is only one gaze that can truly satisfy. The gaze of God.

V. Intimacy: The Cure for the Attention Addiction

The invitation of the Spirit is simple and sacred. Come back to intimacy.

God desires to be known and to know you deeply, fully, without performance. Revelation 1 shows us a Christ whose eyes burn with fire, whose voice is like rushing waters. Psalm 139 reminds us that He sees us when we sit, when we rise, when we sleep, and when we wander. He has knit us, searched us, and still loves us.

But true intimacy requires surrender.

God desires to be known and to know you deeply, fully, without performance.

Confront the fear of being deeply known by God and still not approved
Pray through the disappointments that have taught you to perform instead of receive
Build true relationships not audiences. You need covenant not just connection

If you have been addicted to attention, it is time to detox in the secret place. Lay your need for applause at the altar. Let the light of intimacy confront the shadows of insecurity. You were never called to be famous. You were called to be faithful.

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Dr. Dee Evans brings humor and spiritual insight to conversations love, spirituality, theology, pop culture and everything in between.