Mean Girls in Church

Updated: Aug 2, 2018



Being a woman in ministry, I would think that my biggest advocates would be women and my biggest naysayers most often would be men. Nah, my life is quite the opposite. My biggest advocates are men in ministry. Believe it or not, mean girl behavior still exists in the church world and I’ve been the victim of it so many times, my patience for adolescent women is almost non-existent. I’ve seen women push, shove, slap, undermine, provoke, and lie to get ahead. It’s disgusting.


It be a woman of grace that does not retaliate takes discipline…and the power of the Holy Ghost. To every female in ministry that is struggling to maintain friendships/connections with women, I have a few things to say. Mean girl behavior is bigger than just behavior. I’m not a psychologist, I have pathologized mean girl behavior with these attributes based on my experience:


Mean girls are passive aggressive bullies. They usually recruit other people who are weak minded to join them in their attacks.


Mean girls struggle with envy. They will go to great lengths to sabotage your reputation and spread rumors.


Mean girls are appearance driven. Often times, these women will overly focus on your appearance. Your clothes, your hair, your makeup… if they can’t be you, they will literally try to eliminate you and your status.


Mean girls are extremely controlling. When their efforts to discredit you, ostracize you, offend you or provoke you FAIL, they may become extremely volatile.


If you are a woman of influence, you will come across a “mean girl” more times that you are willing to admit. These behaviors indicate that mean girls suffer from depression, low-self esteem, the spirit of rejection, spirit of Jezebel, spirit of witchcraft, spirit of sabotage, loneliness, and affectation. Dear woman of influence, it’s important that you walk in grace, power, authority, boldness, love and truth – which is the antithesis of attributes mentioned above.


Let’s talk for a moment about the spirit of Jezebel, which I believe is the foundation of mean girl behavior.


The spirit of Jezebel usually oppresses individuals of influence, power, and anointing. Likewise, mean girls come for women of a certain caliber. Below, I listed some traits of the spirit of Jezebel, which should shift your perspective about this whole mean girl situation.


Spirit of Jezebel Traits:


· Jezebel hates men and women in authority who are over her position. She will do just about anything to get someone’s place of prominence, especially those who speak the truth or have a genuine heart.

· A Jezebel spirit in a woman will not submit to a man, if she does it will only be in pretence in order to gain ground because her submission is conditional.

· A person with a Jezebel spirit may look innocent and be widely known as being very helpful and friendly, but it is deceitfully cunning and subtle.

· A Jezebel places themselves in the place of prominence because they really want to be popular, even to the degree of being worshipped. This is attention seeking at its finest.

· If a gifted person of influence has a Jezebel as a friend that person will suffer greatly because Jezebel will act like a friend yet he/she is an enemy seeking to sabotage them and their gifts.

· A Jezebel will volunteer for anything and everything in the church. Not because they want to help, but because they are controlling and want to lead many things for the purpose of receiving admiration.

· A Jezebel thinks he/she can have any man/woman they want, even if the person is already with someone. Jezebel finds a thrill in destroying relationships and feels powerful knowing that another woman’s man or another man’s woman is giving them attention. Key word: attention.

· A Jezebel is very spiritual and religious. He/she will make you think they are more spiritual than most people. However, when you begin to discern and test them, you will find that they are immature in the faith.

· A Jezebel will have a record of your history and especially knows your triumphs and victories. They closely monitor you, remember that. They will casually bring up in conversations your flaws and weaknesses to mock you or they will bring up your victories as a way to butter you up. This is done to frustrate you. Don’t take the bait.

· A Jezebel spirit is difficult to pin down. If the person is near to being confronted, he or she will skillfully twist the entire situation, trying to make the innocent person look like the one who is attempting to control. Jezebel will do anything to look like the one who is right. Anything.


I mentioned these traits because somethings are not a behavioral issue. Deliverance and therapy are equally important for individuals who operate in the spirit of Jezebel as well as those who are oppressed by it. Whether you are a ministry leader, pastor’s wife, entrepreneur, doctor, barista, you have to be prayerful about how you respond to this spirit’s antics. I’ve been through this more than a f